When the Cast of Naruto are Not on Camera
by The Maiden of Light's Progidy
Summary: The title is kinda self explanitory but to be specific, the stuff we didn't know about and then some!
1. Raising Eyebrows

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters of these Naruto ramblings

When the Cast of Naruto are not on the Set

Raising Eyebrows

Naruto and Kiba snicker as they observe a sleeping Rock Lee. Being as the training camp for the upcoming Jounin exams was wearing the layer of fun thin, it was time for some action.

"Should we wake him up?" Naruto tried not to laugh.

Lee let out a loud snore. Kiba responded, "Nah, he'll find out soon enough."

But Lee's big bug eyes shot wide open when Naruto giggled a little too loudly.

"Hello my youthful teammates! Why are we awake this hour?" Lee proclaimed.

Naruto and Kiba bolted out of the dorm room, their laughter cracking up followed. Lee raised his eyebrow.

"Hmm, I wonder what they were laughing about." He said as her looked in the mirror.

The whole camp awoke to Lee's screams.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHERE ARE MY F_beep_IN' EYEBROWS!"


	2. A Touching Moment Between Friends

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters of these Naruto ramblings

When the Cast of Naruto are not on the Set

A Touching Moment between Friends

Sakura looked down at the soda can clutched in her hands. Across the coffee table from her was her best friend and rival, Ino. They had seemed to be on good terms after they had both passed the Chuunin exams. But there were always kind moments between the two of them.

"Ino, I know that there have been a lot of problems in the past regarding Sasuke. I think there is something you should really know. I have to tell you this as my best friend."

Ino awaited her friend's words, "Yes, Sakura?"

There was a slight pause. Then… "He's mine, you b_beep_!"

Sakura launched at her in a catfight tackle.

- -

Vincent: Do you like them so far? My sister, the Maiden of Light, came up with these two. The rest will be mine! Review!


	3. Knowledge over Ramen

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in these Naruto ramblings

Knowledge over Ramen

Sasuke and Naruto are sitting at Ichirakus eating ramen after a hard day of training.

Naruto slurps up his noodles and adds the empty bowl to the growing stack, "Yep"

Sasuke sips his tea, "Yep"

"Yep"

"Yep"

"Yep"

"Yep…"

Naruto grabs another bowl and picks up his chopsticks, "Did you ever wonder how Brittney Spears' boobs keep changing sizes? They never stay the same!"

--

Vincent: It's true! I watched an internet cartoon about it. They keep jumping from A's to D's and everywhere in between! It's so darn inconsistent! Oh yeah, please review.


	4. Subscription to Confusion

Disclaimer: I think you all get the point

Subscription to Confusion

Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura collapsed on the green grassy field, exhausted and sweating profusely. They had finally completed their task of standing of their hands as long as they could. After three hours, the dizziness of all the blood in their heads got to them. For Naruto and Sasuke, it had been more of a competition. Either way, it wasn't fun.

Kakashi sat peacefully in the shade of a nearby tree, reading his favorite book. "Good job, team," he spoke in a lazy tone, "Now it's time for a few pushups."

The three of them exploded, "WHAT!"

"We've been training all day!" Sakura shouted.

Naruto whined loudly, "We just stood on our hands for three hours! Our arms are exhausted!"

"For once I agree with him." Sasuke chipped in.

Kakashi turned the page listlessly, "Sorry kids, but you need the training."

Suddenly the book was gone from his hands. His single eye darted upwards, where he saw Naruto with his legs curled around the bough overhanging them all like a tree monkey. He was flipping through the pages of the dirty book.

Why do you read this smut, sensei?" Naruto looked at it then squinted his eyes, "wait a minute…"

The plastic covering on the book fell off and fluttered onto Kakashi's lap.

"Hey!" Naruto gave a sudden outburst, "This isn't Icha Icha Paradise. It's a Hello Kitty manga!"

Kakashi jumped up, grabbed his beloved book, and ran, "Leave me alone!"

Vincent's Apprentice: I'm not bashing Kakashi. I think he's cool too. I just thought that would be kinda funny.


	5. Real Ninjas

Disclaimer: I'm not writing it anymore. I trust that you all have intelligence above that of a rock.

Real Ninjas

O o O o O

Gaara of the Desert and Neji Hyuuga glared at each other, locked in a fierce battle. Beads of sweat were already forming on their faces. So far, they were evenly matched.

"You can't beat me, Hyuuga. I'm the most powerful ninja there is." Gaara threatened in his monotonous voice.

Neji smirked, "We'll see about that, Gaara."

Then, they clashed.

Onomatopoeia battle mode: Smash! Voom! Bash! Bam! Shing! Crunch! Wham! Ouch! Whoosh!

"You're finished Gaara!" Neji shouted triumphantly.

Gaara retorted with another attack, "Not on your life!"

Temari comes through the doorway and is utterly shocked, "What the heck are you guys doing!"

She sees her brother and the boy of the Hyuuga Branch house sitting on the floor of the Sand Siblings apartment. Neji and Gaara look up and quickly hide the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures behind their backs.

"Nothing," they say together.

O o O o O

V A: I actually had a dream about that once. Please review.


	6. Lights, Camera, oh My!

Lights, Camera …oh my!

During The Ninja Academy

"Cut! Cut! Cut!" Naruto shouted through his megaphone while seated in the director's chair, "You got it all wrong, Shikamaru! You're supposed to hold your fist up in the air and do my hero pose after you defeat Sasuke and say _I beat Sasuke Uchiha and I'm going to be the next hokage, Believe it! _You can't play me right at all!"

Shikamaru, whom was dressed up in one of Naruto's orange outfits and wearing a spiky blonde wig, frumped over with an evil glare, "Shut up! This is so troublesome! I don't see why I'm helping you with this! I should just let you fail!"

Choji, whom was dressed as Sasuke, rubbed his forehead head where Shikamaru _acted like punching him_ too hard, "I thought being Sasuke would be fun. This bites."

"Oh, come on!" Naruto blared once more through the megaphone, "This project with give us all passing grades. The Story of Naruto's Future will be a beat hit with the class! I would be the starring actor, but someone with talent has to direct. Besides, the romance scene is coming up!"

"Romance scene!" The two actors said in unison, both quite appalled.

"NARUTO!" an angry female voice practically shook the whole room, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Ino stomped up to the director in her costume, which consisted of a long pink wig, a red dress like Sakura's with the exception of it being tighter, shorter, and had **_I love Naruto_** on the front, and dark blue heels instead of the Kohona sandals.

She screamed at Naruto with a very timid Hinata hiding behind her, "I didn't know you would make me look like that Forehead girl, Sakura! AND you promised I'd get to be in the romance act with Sasuke!"

Ino's finger pointed towards the Choji in the Sasuke costume, "THAT… IS NOT…SASUKE!"

Hinata pipped up, "I...I...made the costume…j, just like you…s, s, said. Naruto."

"You did an excellent job, Hinata," Naruto said as he looked Ino up and down, "She looks just like Sakura now. Okay, Ino. In this scene, you first have to run towards me, well, Shikamaru, and don't forget to push Choji out of the way…"

"Naruto…" a calm yet irritated voice spoke behind him, then the sound of knuckles cracking.

He turned around to see the real Sakura and Sasuke standing behind him with rather scary looks on their faces.

"Oh, hey guys! I…"

BAM!

Iruka-Sensei watched the softly flickering screen in his class hall along with the other students, some of them with smiles on their faces.

"Wow," the sensei spoke, "This really _is_ the future of Naruto."

The Maiden of Light: I know, not as good. But I've been short on time lately. Read and review!


	7. The Many Talents of a Ninja

The Many Talents of a Ninja

The circle of boys consisted mainly of Sasuke Uchiha, Neji Hyuuga, Gaara of the Desert, Naruto Uzimaki, Rock Lee, Shikamaru, Shino, and Kiba. (I don't know their last names off the top pf my head!) A seriousness hung about them as they held their discussion.

"I still can't believe that having us face off against the girls was a part of the exam. I won't underestimate them." Shikamaru looked around to his male comrades.

Neji nodded his head and crossed his arms, "That's true. They do have plenty of talent.

Sasuke spoke out, "That's why we have already concocted a strategy, thanks to Shik here, that should ensure our victory.

Shikamaru pulled a folded piece of paper out of his back pocket and spread it over the floor in front of all the boys, who looked upon it eagerly.

The plan-maker began explaining his strategy, "Okay, first we get in position for the first step. Then…"

After briefing over the plan harshly, all eight ninjas took their places in the practice arena.

"Everyone ready!" Sasuke held up his arm to unleash the plan, "Now!"

Shino pushed the button on the boom box and music began playing. The boys all stood in a line and began a dance routine to the music.

It's fun to stay at the YMCA!

Naruto looked over to Gaara, "We'll definitely beat the girls in the talent portion of the competition now!"

* * *

The Maiden of Light: I bet you didn't see that coming! 


	8. Advanced Physics

Advanced Physics

Shino and Sakura were busying themselves with sharing an intellectual moment after a hard day of training. Sasuke had already run off to wherever he went, Naruto just vanished, Hinata remembered that she had a few things to pick up at the market, and Kiba had a day of brushing a shedding Akamaru remaining for him. So the two remaining of each team sat on opposite sides of the same oak tree.

"Did you ever wonder," Sakura began, "how these things we ninjas do are possible? I mean, in documents and records of past civilizations have nothing about people with any extraordinary abilities like us."

Shino sat silent for a moment before answering, "I wonder about a lot of things. But when you think about it, there is a really a reason we are like this above the natural human being of the past. With our ways of summoning chaka to our bodies over time and using it to do things impossible by normal humans only points toward one thing: we are advanced. In fact, we are so advanced, we are able to alter the laws of nature."

"Hey look!" Sakura pointed towards the over hanging cliff a little ways away, "It's Naruto!"

Naruto was busy swinging an ax away at a rather short but burly elm tree perched at the edge of the cliff. Consider it being the tree's punishment for taking the space of the best viewing spot in Kohona.

He rolled up his sleeves and re-gripped his ax, "Just a few more swings and I'll turn you into a wooden statue of Sakura."

The long cracking sound indicated that the tree was falling. Unfortunately, it was towards the leeward edge of the cliff. Naruto quickly grabbed the tree's roots as it began tipping over the edge. He held on tight.

"Shino, we have to help Naruto!" Sakura shouted with a slight panic.

But suddenly, physics reverse and the tree swings back upwards and lands on Naruto. XX!

"I think he can handle it." Shino said before sitting back down.

* * *

The Maiden of Light: Just picturing that gave me giggles. 


	9. The Face of Evil

The Face of Evil

In the quiet darkness of the Sand Siblings' bathroom, Gaara sat before the mirror, observing his face with the dim light of his flashlight. His dark features appeared in the mirror stationed on the wall before him.

He whispered to himself, "I am a monster. I am the demon of blood and fear. My only love is that of bringing death. Merely a glimpse into my eyes strikes a cold pulse of blood through one's heart."

Suddenly, the lights flashed on and lit the bathroom. Kankuro stood at the doorway with his hand on the light switch. Gaara was caught with a pencil of heavy black eyeliner in his hand and a flashlight in the other.

"Kankuro!" Gaara exploded, "How many times have I told you not to interrupt my pre-killing spree rituals!"

"Hey!" his brother retorted, "You're the one who took my eye liner!"

The two boys then engaged in a hatred-filled rumble. Temari looked in on them.

_Aren't I the only one who should be allowed to wear make up? _

The Maiden of Light: I know Gaara doesn't wear make up and it's from a lack of sleep. I just wanted to do that really badly!


	10. Mr Ninja Universe

Mr. Ninja Universe

Sakura, Hinata, Ino, Tenten, and Temari were gathered around a circular table. Their task was to organize the Mr. Ninja Universe competition which came around once every ten years. A stack of documents with photos clipped to them were being passed around the girls. The first objective: pick the candidates.

"Well, we need to recommend some guys, so who do we pick?" Tenten questioned.

"Sasuke!" Sakura and Ino cried out in unison.

Temari asked, "How many are allowed?"

Tenten's eyes scanned over a sheet of paper on a clipboard. It says that the number is unlimited as long as the candidate is a graduated ninja and male."

"Well," Temari began, "I have to organize this for Suna. I can't believe that none of the other villages were interested."

Hinata pipped up, "They thought that this might be some sort of a trap."

"Hurry up and write Sasuke on the list!" Ino squealed.

Sakura grabbed a sheet of paper and handed it to Hinata, "Okay, you first Hinata. Pick one candidate."

Hinata took the piece of paper and picked the pen up off the table. A slightly red flush came over her cheeks as she neatly wrote a name onto the list. Then she handed the paper to her right. Ino claimed it.

"You picked Naruto!" She exclaimed in bewilderment.

Hinata simply tapped her fingers together timidly like she did whenever she was timid. She was blushing madly.

Ino saw this, "It's okay, girl. We love who we love."

The paper had been passed around, each girl adding one name to the list.

"Temari, it's your turn to pick. Who in Suna is a worthy candidate?"

An evil grin played across the girl's features as she took the pen and neatly scribbled a name onto the sheet. Everyone looked at it and turned a slightly different color

"You are going to get us killed." Tenten said blandly.

Temari retorted, "Well, your choice is certainly going to land someone in a body cast."

"We need more people guys," Hinata settled her friends.

Sakura nodded, "She's right."

The list grew. When no more candidates were added, Tenten looked over the list.

"Okay," she began, "Hinata picked Naruto and Iruka-sensei. I picked Neji and Lee. I kinda felt sorry for the guy. Anyways, Ino picked Sasuke, Shikamaru,and Shino. Sakura picked Kakashi-sensei and Kiba. And Temari picked Gaara."

The girls each looked over the list.

Ino spoke, "We might have some issues this year."

* * *

The Maiden of Light: Okay guys, this is where you come in. I need to take a break from this fic so I have more time to dedicate to my other two. So I have decided to set up a little story survey. The top three of the two categories will be going on. The categories are Coolest and Cutest. Send me reviews with a name and category in parenthesis so I can find it easily. ex: (Shino-Coolest) or (Gaara-cutest) After so much time, I'll tally them up and give you your top candidates. They are:

Neji, Rock Lee, Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi, Gaara, Shino, Iruka, Shikamaru, and Kiba.

Happy Voting!


	11. The Results

The Results

Sakura dashed in the direction of TenTen's home. Her run was accelerated with chakra. Once she reached her destination, she pounded on her friend's door.

She heard a voice come from behind her, "You don't have to pound my door down! I'm right behind you!"

"Oh!" Sakura turned around, a little embarrassed. She retrieved the scroll from her thigh holster, "I have the results from the survey we set out."

TenTen looked over the list.

In the Category of Cutest

Gaara

Naruto

Kiba

In the Category of Coolest

Kakashi

Neji

Shino

Tenten looked up. Hinata, Temari, Ino, and Sakura had gathered behind her, peering over her shoulder.

"Guys," she announced, "This might be a little scary."

The Maiden of Light: To be continued. See you next time for the next part of the Mr. Ninja Universe. By the way, I also collected votes from Naruto fans at school.


	12. The Talent Competition

The Talent Competition

The fifth Hokage was applauded as she walked towards the microphone stand in the middle of the stage. Tsunade cleared her throat for a moment before speaking into the device, "Thank you, everyone! This year we only have six contestants; five from Kohona and one from Suna. Let's welcome our competitors as they present themselves for the first part of the pagent; the talent competition! Our first ninja is Neji Hyuuga!"

* * *

The crowd of ninjas and spectators clapped their hands as Neji walked out onto the stage with a fancy violin in one hand and the bow in the other. He stood before the microphone, not even saying a word, and played the threads of the bow delicately upon the strings of the violin and began sawing a song.

After the Hyuuga's melody was completed, the audience was moved to tears. Not because of the song. Don't get me wrong, it was a beautiful song. But it resulted in a member of the crowd being wheeled away to the hospital.

Thirty seconds ago As the end of the song neared, Neji stroked the strings with his bow into the high notes. But the fourth string caught onto the tip of the bow as Neji drew it towards himself and accidentally released it, causing the same effect as a bow and arrow. The bow shot off into the audience and impaled some random person in the leg.

"AAHHHH! MY LEG!"

* * *

After the crowd settled back down, Naruto strolled out onto the stage.

"Hi everyone!" Naruto did his nice guy pose, "For my talent tonight, I will consume exactly one hundred bowls of ramen."

Let's just say that at bowl number sixty-four, it wasn't a pretty sight.

* * *

Now it was Kakashi's turn to present his talent. He stood before the audience with nothing in his hands and the spotlight shining upon him. He did something with his hands that you would never believe.

ten minutes later "And that is my reenactment of Romeo and Juliet with shadow puppets." Kakashi concluded.

The audience applauded cheerfully.

* * *

"Very nice, Kakashi," Tsunade announced, "and the next contestant is Shino Aburame."

All was silent as Shino walked noiselessly out onto the stage. No one made a sound, as if waiting for the seldom speaker to do something. But everyone started screaming when he pulled a chainsaw out of his oversized coat.

seven and a half minutes later The crowd erupted with applause as Shino, covered with bits of water and ice, stepped away from a beautiful ice sculpture of a unicorn. But once everything went quiet again…

A lone voice spoke out in the audience, "Unicorns suck!"

Shino gave an evil glare with an intensity so great, the icy unicorn statue exploded into hundreds of pieces. Huge, heavy chucks of ice flew into the air and rained down like armegeddon. The crowd ran about screaming and avoiding the meteorites of ice.

* * *

After a few traumas, ambulances, and my-life-flashed-before-my-eyes sequences, it was Kiba's turn to make a fool of himself. His talent: sing the Titanic Theme Song.

It was a good thing that Shino's death glare already broke that unicorn sculpture before Kiba's singing could.

* * *

"And last, but not least, Sabuka no Gaara." Tsunade cheered through the microphone.

Gaara appeared in a whirlwind of sand in front of the microphone once the hokage had cleared it. He held up a large cello by its long neck. As soon as he drew, the bow, everyone in the audience started screaming with terror again.

"Fine," he sighed gruffly.

He snapped his fingers and his sand slithered off and retrieved an amplifier from back stage. He picked up the cello, tilted it onto its side, and plugged it in. Then he ran his fingers skillfully over the strings of the cello and played the Naruto theme song. (Just the way it sounds in the opening)

* * *

The judges at the front of the stage whispered to one another after all the scores had been taken. Once all the stress had hit its boiling point, the spokesman of the judges handed a little pink piece of paper to Tsunade, whom was up on the stage.

She read the names aloud, "In third place with five award points, Neji Hyuuga! In second place with ten award points, Garra! And in first place with fifteen award points is, Naruto?"

The spokesman stood up, "He vomited a projectile distance of twenty four feet in every direction of his frontward 180 degrees. That takes talent!"

* * *

Well there you have it. The first task is done. Here are the current standings.

1st: Naruto -15 points

2nd: Gaara -10 points

3rd: Neji -5 points

4th: Shino -1 point

5th: Kakashi -1 point

6th: Kiba - 1 point

Bye Bye! Until the next chapter! I know this took me a while, but I'm one busy girl.


	13. The Physique Competition

The Physique Competition

Tonight's audience consisted mostly of women. But this comes to no surprise. It's a bunch of buff, fit ninjas in swimwear! How can you resist! While the females of the audience were jumping and screaming, the boys were standing behind the curtain, waiting for their big moment.

"Dang! It's freezing back here!" Naruto complained, shivering like a felon.

"Well, then," Kakashi began calmly, "Maybe…you should STOP STANDING IN FRONT OF THE FAN IN YOUR SPEEDOS!"

"Oh, heh heh," Naruto laughed nervously as he stepped away from the fan, "Good idea. Hey wait a second! Why am I the only one in speedos!"

He took notice that the rest of his competitors were wearing shorts similar to swim trunks and everyone was wearing a robe, emblazed with their village symbol on the back, to cover themselves up."

"Naruto," Kiba stated, "This is a men's pageant, not a Chip and Dale's show."

There were a few barely audible disappointed "aws" coming from the other side of the curtain.

Everyone could hear Tsunade's voice through the microphone, "Thank you everyone for coming to the second Mr. Ninja Universe Pageant competition, which happens to be the Physique contest!"

Immediately all the females of the audience begin screaming. The curtains gracefully peeled apart and glided away in opposite directions, revealing the contestants in their village emblem robes, (and Naruto in his speedos). When their cue came, the group dropped their robes, with the exception of Naruto, and struck various poses, with the exception of Gaara. The audience erupted with cheers and squeals in seeing their usually-modest-in-covering fellow ninjas in the buff.

Neji whispered in Gaara's direction, "Don't just stand there with your arms crossed. Do something!"

There wasn't much of a response.

But Naruto was definitely putting on a show for the ladies by making every macho man pose he could think of, Kakashi doing the same. Mainly, it became a pose-off between those two. Even though Kiba was quite well fit, everyone had their eyes on Shino.

Kiba looked at his buggy friend, "Hey? Since when did you have a tattoo of Canada on your back!"

Shino broke his silence, "Since I understood that maple syrup makes the world go round."

The judges, who happened to be Anko, Kurenai, and Shizune, handed Tsunade the envelope containing the results for the physique competition.

The fifth hokage opened the envelope and read the names inscribed in the paper within it, "In sixth place, one point to Kiba for forgetting to shave his chest. In fifth place, ten points to Naruto for wearing speedos, but nine points deducted for wearing speedos…

"What!"

Tsunade continued, "…in fourth place, one point to Neji for being too arrogant to pose. In third place, five points to Kakashi for having ripped abs and making brownies for the three judges prior to the event. In second place, ten points to Gaara for being too naturally awesome to pose and for scaring the wits out of the judges with death glares. And in first place, fifteen points for Shino, Canada rules!"

And this concludes the second competition of the Mr. Ninja Universe Competition.

Here are the current standings…

First Place- Gaara with 20 points

Second Place- Naruto and Shino tied with 16 points

Third Place- Neji and Kakashi tied with 6 points

Fourth Place- Kiba with 2 points

The Maiden of Light: There's one more competition left and then we will have our winner. But I am sad to say that this will be the final chapter. And I apologize for taking such a long time. But now softball is finally over. We took second place in the state for division 4 teams. So basically, we are the best Division 4 public school in the state. Yahs and tears! If I come up with more of these little ditties, I'll publish them in a second story.


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